First of all, I don't want this to be a burden. Let's do this in a low-tech style, yeah? Using only the basic expressions. And keep it short. No need to comprehensively summarize the whole year, because lots of details have been jotted down in the previous months. Let's talk about how you feel, overall.
Coding
So what have we done in year 2020? Well, some of my notable firsts are as follows:
- Began my first Rust project, a CLI file backup app (project-based learning is fun as always).
- Began this journal around mid-year (after constructing this website using Zola, for which I did my first PR).
- Began reading Safe Network code (caught a few bugs, talked to team members, just baby steps).
- Made proper use of IDB (in Arrow)
- Tried Elm-UI (on Arrow), and I can't go back.
- Played with WebSocket-based push in a client-server learning project
Among these, writing the Rust app and using Elm-UI to design custom UI stood out as the most rewarding experiences, and I started to recognize myself more as a practical guy. Being a perpetual student for so long made it harder for me to admit it, but I can feel, more clearly than ever, that mere theories just don't get me as much as hands-on crafting. I can appreciate the beauty of theories, to which I'm grateful, but just like appreciating the great classical music, I never "end up" getting enough "internalization" (i.e. second nature) to become truly engaged. Ultimately, I aspire to make myself useful, or to get the most out of myself, and to do that I really listened to myself. I know some popular authors declared "passion" much overestimated, and this is not the time/place to make arguments. I'm talking about plain old motivation, or even drive, it's almost tautological to say that, without it, we just don't do anything, not anything of quality at least. And isn't human all about quality?
Living
Yeah, it's tempting to say "nothing exciting" in this realm, but hey, don't get greedy here, living is about the details and the experiencing, the degree of grandeur is mostly not in our control.
- Learned to use a rotary hammer for roller blinds installation.
- Learned to apply silicone sealant.
- Went through the process of notarization for MFA device removal.
There is a balance not so easy to strike here, between making solid efforts (so that we don't just walk by without leaving traces) and taking it easy (so that we don't fall victim to pathological perfectionism). And that is not a surprise in life. How often do you see optima coincide with extrema? And isn't living all about navigating ourselves around the intricate scenarios in the hope that we eventually find our zen place? I think all it takes is some courage and optimism, because we are going to do this anyway.
In December, a big event took place. It is of potential risks, but also of potential returns. It is largely unplanned. In the decision process, I had to learn more about the world outside. It is both exciting and disturbing, and the family made the final decision to go with it. My writing about this without details can seem pointless, but I think the factors that warrant its mentioning here are more social and psychological. I have been living in a very pure, isolated environment for very long. I don't even think much about potential maladaptation risks anymore. But this event brings me much closer to the real, chaotic, yet understandably charming society at large. I am in this curious phase still, but again, life can sometimes extend its dynamic range without any warning.
The Mind
It isn't easy to grasp one whole year in the head, but I think in 2020 I did plenty of things that were new to me, and thus, my mind has grown. But I'm aware that people around are typically much more interested in instant profit, and that I could offer none. I was just not sufficiently driven in that dimension. "Just do a good job", that's more like it. And, if you really don't like the way you've been living/working, then change it. The alternative will not be sustainable anyway.
We receive lots of instructions and guidances throughout our life, but at some point, we start to realize that we are the only one behind the wheel, and there is no "correct" or "best" way of driving our own life, except those basic principles such as, seek the truth, and be kind. Other than that, I think it's very OK to be different. Following suits, I believe, will in the end be the path we regret.
There are many things to learn in life. For me, learning how to code or how to use code to create solutions in life is a zen-like activity, except it's more exciting. In contrast, the social/interpersonal aspect is much more overwhelming. But that is part of the deal, and as we experience that and ponder on those experiences, I believe there will be fascinating and profound things to discover (maybe along the lines of, no matter how complicated we think we are, we are still the products and reactants of this physical universe, so no need to feel overwhelmed really).
Emotional Pragmatism
Time and again I am convinced that explosive emotions such as anger are almost always useless, and patience and courage to keep making new efforts are vital. After all, living is a learning process mostly, and just look at the AI algorithms, does any of them show that anger and such help? Moreover, with the exception of those with special personalities, we can't be our best in the primary domain if the social aspect of our life is toxic or dysfunctional. I'm not saying one has to nail every interaction with their meticulous social savvy; In fact, learning to let go of imperfect, suboptimal behavior is one of the most important skills. Yes we learn from our mistakes, but do not dwell on and sulk over them.
In interactions with people you care about, do not run away from "failures", or anything that deviates from your expectation. Not that you have to be overly obsessed with making it "work", but do what can be reasonably done and follow through. It's surprisingly easy to ask again, ask for clarification or explanation. You can't break anything, as long as you stay calm and respectful.
Emotional independence, oh that is so important. It's self-explanatory, so no more elaboration, just for the record that in 2020, I rediscovered its vitality.